slow means slow

I am exhausted.  This morning, I slept in, which for me is 6:00am.  I've been trying to pray and think and work this morning, but my brain is just not quite working.  

Being in the ministry and working with people may not seem like it's that strenuous of a job from the outside.  What is it after all?  Conversations, phone calls, drinking coffee while someone talks about their life, and lots of emails.  (...said tongue-in-cheek...) So, why am I so tired? 

I read this verse (again) this morning:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...  James 1:19 (NIV)

Over the last few days, I have been engaged in a spiritual battle.  One of my friends has been going through something really challenging, and I've been trying to help.  Along the way, there were misunderstandings, fear-based responses and lots of opportunities to act and speak out of frustration and anger.  The powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms were working overtime to divide, to create doubt, to create enemies where there were none.  Everyone involved kept coming back to the concept above - lots of listening, not a lot of talking, avoiding anger or frustration when possible.  We spent several hours in a room full of men on their knees praying and interceding for each other.  It was incredible.  

It reminded me how difficult and tiring it can be to exert self-control.  And, yet, how important.  It is so much easier to be "right" and justify quick answers.  Yet glorifying God means doing the hard work of listening and biting your tongue.  Such a small verse.  Just three things.  Yet the concept in practical terms presents a lifetime challenge.  Easy to preach.  Hard to do.  

As I think about many of my frustrations in relationships, personal or professional, it most often stems back to not feeling heard, not feeling truly listened to.  I see it all the time in church politics, in marriages, in parent/teen relationships - one side assuming they know, but not really taking the time to really know.  Why?  Because it's hard, time consuming and exhausting to do it right.  I don't even come close to having it down.  I blow it all the time.  But occasionally, I get a glimpse of the end result of being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  And it is beautiful.  

So, I guess I'm tired this morning because my self-control muscle got a work out.  And it's a little sore...

Adoption day is here!

So, our adoption journey has reached a major milestone.  I think that the shock of adopting a 9 year old and a 6 year old took it's toll on my social media capabilities.  I have stopped blogging for several reasons, but want to press reset and begin again.  

My last post on adoption was when we were starting out paperwork.  Then - silence.  It has been a crazy journey, but I'm so grateful to be on it.  I have learned more about God and myself (and the differences bewteen us) in the last three years than I ever thought possible.  

Here is my post on Facebook from tonight, before I figured out how to log on to my blog again after such a long absence.  

On April 16, 2012, God brought two children into our lives. We had been hoping to adopt one, but then all the pieces just feel into place for us to provide a home for this 9 year old brother and 6 year old sister who needed a family. 

Tomorrow, on April 16, 2013, we go to see the judge who will sign the papers and make Jakeob and Brooklyn officially a part of the Minor Family! 

Right now, my family is all asleep, the house is quiet, the clothes for the morning are all laid out, and I am sitting by myself just thinking and praying. I have learned so much over the last year. I thought it might be interesting to share some of the lessons that I have learned about myself. Please don't feel like you have to read. This is therapy. 

#1 - I am a great dad. 

Going from a family of four with two teenagers to a family of six with two littler ones has given me lots of opportunities to be creative, to broker deals, to try to consider how and when to get time with each one of my kids who all have different needs. I have surprised myself with my ability to juggle it all and keep it all moving. I have learned how to enjoy shooting baskets and playing catch, which my older son was never in to, and how to enjoy ballet classes, which my older daughter was never really in to. I'm having lots and lots of talks with my older kids and doing my best to stay connected with them. I'm figuring stuff out. 

#2 - I am a terrible dad. 

The reality of expanding our family has shown me just how messed up I can really be. I have completely surprised myself by my lack of love, by my selfish responses, and by my rising temper which has mysteriously appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere over the last year. I have problems keeping up with all of the needs that each of my kids have. I forget when I have promised to spend time with one, and spend time with another. I forget when I have promised electronic time for one when it would encroach on another's time with a friend. I spend too much time thinking about myself and not enough about my kids. Sometimes I am shocked at my level of selfishness. Other times, I don't care.

#3 - I am extremely patient. 

Seriously. You should see me sometimes. I'm amazing. I can handle that horrible time from 5:00pm - bedtime with amazing wisdom, grace and patience, keeping everyone from killing each other and getting everything done, laundry folded, baths taken, stories read and bedtime song sung. I am that awesome. 

#4 - I have no patience. 

It's ridiculous. Every heard of a "hair trigger"? That's me. I can and will go off at a moment's notice about things that in retrospect are so small. Sometimes I'm watching me from outside my body, trying to get my attention to stop talking. Or yelling. It doesn't work. 

#5 - I have a great, deep, abiding relationship with God. 

I have learned so much this year. My prayer life has been deeper, more intimate, and been more consistent than ever before. I have been on my knees so often begging God for His presence and His guidance, and He has walked with me through some scary times and brought me out the other side with faith and hope. 

#6 - I am not sure I believe in God sometimes.

Yes, I realize I am a minister and that should be a given. However, the fear and anxiety sometimes have risen to a fever pitch, and my grasping for comfort from other places than my relationship with God lead me to deduce that I must not really believe in the scriptures that I so often preach about to others. The second guessing and doubting can so quickly and effectively obscure the call of God that was so clear three years ago when we started this process. 

#7 - I am really excited about this adoption tomorrow. 

It really is amazing when I take a step back and think about it. These two wonderful, loving, funny, talented, gifted, special, loved-by-God kids had no one to take care of them. They have suffered so much loss in their short lives and were living in fear and hopelessness, sentenced to a life of abandonment, rejection and grief. God saved them from that. He gave them to us - flawed, broken, but faithful and willing. They are saved from that life and given the hope of a new life with us, where they will find love, support and acceptance, as well as the hope of seeing God for who He is, given that we can be that reflection of His love for them. Their life is forever changed for the better. 

For the four of us original Minors, it is also filled with hope about who God is going to help us to become. I have never understood self-denial like I do now. I have never understood about how to love when it is not convenient, about deciding to love when my feelings don't provide the motivation, and about how much Jesus did for us. Jesus died for us "while we were still sinners." Unbelievable. Before we asked for it, before we were mature enough or spiritual enough to understand it or say thank you, He still loved us. To know that kind of love, to be refined so that all of the ugliness of my heart gets burned away, to learn how to choose to give when I don't feel like it - what a great privilege. If we had not gone through this past year, I shudder to think of the lessons about God that we would not have learned. I am so grateful for every difficult day, for every conflict I have refereed, for all of the therapy appointments I have driven to, for every meeting with a social worker, for everything that I have NOT been able to do that I used to do. Even as we grieve the loss of what our life used to be, I am excited about what God is going to turn our life into now. 

I have glimpses of the way that God is going to continue to meld the hearts of our six Minors into an amazing, God-centered family. I'm so excited to see it come to be. 

#8 - I'm scared to death about this adoption tomorrow. 

It's true. I am. Just like I was scared to death about my first two kids coming out of the womb. But I'm also full of faith. I feel like God is holding out His hand, asking me to walk through this door, promising that He will be with me in this new phase of our lives. I'm choosing to believe. I'm choosing to face the fear, yet still trust that God can and will do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine. 

My new kids are amazing. We haven't been allowed to post pictures of them until now, so get ready, because you're about to be bombarded with them. 

We could not have made it through the last year without the love and support of our friends. So many of you have come alongside us and made our lives possible. I can't tell you how humbled we are by your help, by the times you have taken the kids, brought us meals, or just listened to us. The Turning Point Church has been so gracious and understanding as we figure out our new normal. We are blessed beyond belief with a support system that is far beyond anything that we deserve. For each one of you, and you know who you are, thank you. 

If you are still reading, thank you. But, you need to do something better with your time. Go adopt some kids. That will keep you busy... ;-)

primer

I'm reading a great book right now by Mark Batterson called The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears.  It is a really inspiring book about prayer and our mindset about coming to God with our thoughts and dreams. 

This morning, though, I came across a passage that I thought was incredibly interesting about how our thoughts, and the things we allow into our thoughts, can have a profound impact on our actions and mindset.  Check it out.

Over the last few decades, New York University psychologist John Bargh has conducted priming experiments on unsuspecting undergraduates. One of the experiments involved a scrambled-sentence test. The first test was sprinkled with rude words like disturb, bother, and intrude. The second test was sprinkled with polite words like respect, considerate, and yield. In both cases, the subjects thought they were taking tests measuring intelligence. None of the subjects picked up on the word trend consciously, but it primed them subconsciously.

After taking the five-minute test, students were asked to walk down the hall and talk to the person running the experiment about their next assignment. An actor was strategically engaged in conversation with the experimenter when the students would arrive. The goal was to see how long it would take students to interrupt.

Bargh wanted to know if the subjects who were primed with polite words would take longer to interrupt the conversation than those primed with rude words. He suspected that the subconscious priming would have a slight effect, but the effect was profound in quantitative terms. The group primed with rude words interrupted, on average, after five minutes, but 82 percent of those primed with polite words never interrupted at all. Who knows how long they would have patiently and politely waited if the researchers hadn’t given the test a ten-minute time limit.

Zondervan, (2011). The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears (Kindle Locations 2266-2277). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Here's what got me: what we take in, what we focus on, what we start our day with can have a profound impact on how we relate to others and the world around us. 

What kind of primer did you use to start your day today?

Saturday in San Salvador

Today we had the privilege of visiting several families in the San Salvador Church that many of you have either met or heard about and been praying for, it was very faith building.  We met at the church building and piled in the van together with boxes full of groceries, bags of goodies and gifts from everyone at Turning Point. 

Josue Ortega and the Landaverdes brought us to the home of Angel and Inez first.  They were overjoyed to see us and although we showered them with love and presents until Inez said she felt famous, we were actually the ones who felt incredibly blessed.  Inez cried when we presented her with more gifts from the Gitto's, especially moved when she heard that their son sent his own money to buy food for them.  Inez was also very excited to show us all the beautiful scarf she made for Mama Simone with the yarn their small group sent on the last trip. 

Next we went to visit William and Gloribel and their 3 children - we had so much fun with them.  What sweet kids, we even got to meet some neighbors they were sharing the candy Frank gave them.  Ato played with their son and Gloribel shared her story with us.  Everyone remembers Mel from her visit and she was personally encouraged to see them again because this time it's more than "nice to meet you" it's "so good to see you, how have you been" and she could see how the children have grown, the impact your generosity has had on their lives.

Then came a surprise for all of us, it turns out we were not far from SUCHITOTO so we were able to visit this historic colonial city that has a become so precious to our hearts.  As it is the holiday season, there are no children at the school that TP supports however your gifts to Mercy, Liz sent a big bag for Julio, are surely being delivered. We had lunch at Harlequin, did some souvenir shopping and then we headed out to see the next family...Robert & Luby Gomez. They recently moved into a new home and have the cutest little baby. They were thrilled to see us and had prepared arroz con leche for us (still warm, so yummy). Will & Vashti presented them with a box full of things they need and Luby asked to share a scripture with us.  She read 1 Corinthians 13 and when she said "if I give all I possess to the poor...but have not love" I cried and I think we all realized that the most important thing we can give to them is our love.  These families need and appreciate the financial support but words cannot possibly express what the love they feel from everyone at Turning Point means to them.

We closed out the evening with a delicious dinner at the Ortegas.  It's been a life changing week for us all and we are overwhelmed with emotion.  Thank you so much for allowing us to serve here.  Please continue to pray for your brothers and sisters here in El Salvador, they love you and need you and are so grateful for the unity between our churches.  It is inspiring to everyone.  Your faith matters!

Dedication Day

Mission accomplished!  Today was a day of celebration.  The whole community came out to see the dedication of the well.  Sharon, Sandra and Leo drove out to Sonsonate to join us (Brad was very happy) and were able to meet the families we've spent this week with as well as our friends from Living Water.  Leo translated at the ceremony for Brad, Mel, me and most importantly Paul - who had the vision for our church to get involved with this project over a year ago.  To see this dream come true was just so inspiring.  Jenny (from the LWI staff and now a close friend of ours) read John 4:1-14 and it came to life before our very eyes. Of everything this well can do to change the community the greatest gift by far is the living water that Jesus brings. To be able to share the gospel and pass out Bibles to people who were literally begging for them was the greatest honor for us. 

It was wonderful to spend the afternoon playing with the kids down at the soccer field, enjoying the moment.  The guys got a chance to run around and laugh with the children who were so happy to have them. Even our camera crew got in on the action - I have to say, they have worked as hard as and much longer than any of us.  Matt, Lance and Erik were everywhere at once and have filmed National Geographic quality video this week.  When Erik was able to present a soccer ball to a boy who had been asking to play with him all week, and placed him in a position of leadership among his peers we all rejoiced with him.  And when Mel gave one to Franklin, who stole all of our hearts the first day and was at every class early, in the front row, just waiting for us, we wept. There have been too many emotions these past two days to process.

It was only fitting that our evening devotional turned into hours of singing - the old songs, foot stompin' knee slappin' hand clappin' ones.  It was the most beautiful, hilarious, nostalgic and pure hearted singing you can imagine.  An evening of worship we will never forget!